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Deciding on divorce ........
from: Michael SanfordDeciding on divorce is a big decision. You should understand that you aren't a bad person just because you think you want a divorce. Your spouse is not automatically a bad person because he/she may be causing you to feel this way (or so you may think), you're just people, plain and simple.
The Mindset You Need To Make This Difficult Decision
You're reading this for a reason...because you have been thinking about divorce for one reason or another. Being in "limbo" is a horrible feeling because you can't really get rooted if you are in limbo...all you know is that you aren't happy and don't know what to do.
You may feel stuck in a rut or feel like you are wandering aimlessly. Whatever the case, not being certain of what will happen can be tough to swallow and only contributes to your being unhappy. Another reason that this is usually a tumultuous and arduous time for people who are in this stage of life because it usually involves self reflection and a heightened awareness that may never have been reached before in your life.
This can be most difficult and scary, but I assure you it is healthy in the long run. When doing this "inward reflection", you may find out some things about yourself that you may not like. You may recall some things you had forgotten. You may realize that this isn't all your fault or you may realize that you had a hand in leading yourself here too. Whatever happens from here on in, your mindset has to be conducive to being brutally honest to yourself.
Since this can be a gut-wrenching time in your life, you absolutely must realize that one serious danger you face is making the mistake of not being fully aware that people don't make clear decisions during heightened emotional times. You must remember that emotion clouds judgment and bad decisions are made when the wrong side of your brain produces something by using emotion rather than intellect.
This cannot be stressed enough...when making any decision or thinking deeply about a concept, make certain that you are logical and impartial to the best of your ability. You must be comfortable with finding flaws within yourself and realizing that those are flaws that you agree with. You must be ready to admit self guilt and self fault, or this won't work.
If you are thinking about ending your marriage, or are currently in the divorce process, the most important thing you need to do is accept responsibility for the outcome of your divorce. Because a woman's standard of living generally drops at least 30% after a divorce, the decisions that you make now can have a considerable effect on your future.
It is wise to establish a plan of action instead of going into your divorce blindly. Begin by being well informed and organized with the Divorce Record Keeper, a comprehensive divorce considerations help guide. This resource will enable you to keep track and record everything about your divorce from start to finish in a easy to reference fashion.
If it is inevitable that your marriage will end, utilize the following divorce considerations to protect yourself. Most importantly, if your spouse has initiated proceedings, do not sign anything until you are represented and informed by a lawyer. Also, do not use the same lawyer that is representing your spouse. Retain your own attorney to level the playing field and have fair representation.
The actual divorce process is controlled by the participants. Many people do not realize that not all divorces must end in contested courtroom proceeding.
Generally, once you have embarked on a contested divorce process, the types of proceedings from State to State are similar, but not identical. You should consult with a lawyer in your State about the specific process.
The length of your case may depend on the state and county that your case is filed in. It often depends on how crowded the court docket may be and often may take a year or more. If contested to trial.
Divorce lawyers can provide sound legal advice and help you avoid costly mistakes when your marriage ends. The divorce process involves many legal technicalities that can affect your well being (as well as your children's) for many years to come. If you are considering a divorce, or if your spouse has initiated divorce proceedings, the first thing that you need to do is consult a divorce attorney who specializes in family law. Don't take any action that can affect your rights before seeking legal counsel. To protect your best interest, don't use the same divorce lawyer that your husband has retained.
You can begin your search for a divorce lawyer by seeking referrals through friends and family, your state bar association, or searching for divorce lawyers in the directories found on the internet. Look for lawyers who are willing to work with you and fight for your rights.
Once you have identified some potential divorce lawyers, you need to set up an interview to get information on how your case will be handled and to see if there is good rapport between you and the lawyer.If you and your spouse can agree on how to divide your property and settle issues related to your children, you might consider an filing out your own forms.
For more information on Divorce please visit the Divorce resource center.
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